Luff, two F’s

This was originally an unflattering post about some people including my friends. Now, I didn’t mean to offend all of them, but things have a habit of following Murphy’s law, and it would be very unkind of me if some of them were to misunderstand me. So here it is, absolutely free of controversy and probably very dull.

I don’t know if it is the terrible quality of our movie or the general lack of curiosity or the usual apathy, but very few have asked us about the meaning of the title.

In the last couple of months, I was on a spree watching Woody Allen. He is awesome. There is this place in his movie Annie Hall, which I think is his finest (Match Point is not Woddy Allenish at all), where Alvy Singer says, Love is too weak a word for what I feel – I luuurve you, you know, I loave you, I luff you, two F’s, yes I have to invent, of course I – I do, …

The one guy who was the most interested in acting in this movie was AB. He thought there would be kissing scenes in it and all (if not, he assumed that we could always put it there for him). In fact, he said he wouldn’t mind even if we kicked him out of the movie after that. All he wanted to do was to kiss a girl.

Anyway, our script got selected and we went for the shooting.

Thanks to the exceptional ineptitude and inefficiency of the organizing committee, we barely got the nomination mail before the shooting of the movie. After putting halfhearted info posters around, we got a few people for the audition half of whom didn’t turn up for the audition. Even the ones we selected slept late in the morning owing to a rock show the previous night and we had to use substitutes, one of whom had no idea that he is going to star in a movies till he saw us (A – student type 3, billed wrongly as type 2 in the credits)).

The shooting was a nightmare, though I must say I started enjoying the experience after sometime. At least I had an idea about what I wanted, and I liked the clarity of my thoughts.

The viewfinder stopped working shortly after the shooting started, so I had to take guesses from the lcd display and adjust the lights accordingly (this flaw comes alive in big screens, but is hardly noticeable on a computer screen). The guys playing the narrator, Rahul and type 3 hadn’t turned up, so we had to substitute them with the script writers and A.

We shot the last 17min of footage in 25min, and missed out on some of the scenes. There were some nice ideas inspired by the urgency of the situation that didn’t come out so well finally. We had tried to take a few retakes of some of the bad initial scenes, but the battery ran out.

I can hardly begin to tell all the crap that happened next. Batteries kept running out, and some of our footage was lost.

With aching limbs, we (the scriptwriters – S and A) walked into the creative writing contest where A slept off after writing something about a drug addict while I sat there realizing how similar is the plot of How Opal Mehta… to that of Cinderalla. I also wrote my first ever flash fiction, The Lion’s Whisker, which I thought had some potentials in spite of its bland theme and stole it by not submitting.

On the way back, I thought of doing something spectacular with the glass of pepsi I was holding, and I asked A to take a picture of me on the count of three. I counted 1, 2, and then I forgot what I was going to do. But A assumed that I was going to say 3 and took the picture anyway.

I think I was going to balance the damn thing. We later used the photo where we describe Rahul as a confused mixture of all the stereotypes.

Then, of course, was the masterpiece itself from A.

We hope SBI is not going to sue him for interpreting their logo in such a radical way.

Here we’ll gloss over a lot of painful and futile efforts we had to go through to get a copy of the raw footage. It turned out that the sound recording device was of bad quality, and that we would have to dub the whole movie.

The movie that we had in mind had collapsed, something I didn’t notice till the movie was in the editing desk. But we anyway went on and put it all together.

Dubbing was bad. It took us more than 6 hours to fix a comp so that we could use it, and than Anshul (whose voice we were using as the narrator’s) fell asleep in the middle, so that we had to use multiple voices. We took our revenge though. We took his picture (of him sleeping) then and there and put it in the movie while starting to describe the engineering student stereotypes.

We hardly had enough time left till the deadline, so we hurried through everything and didn’t dub about 2/3rds of the movie. They are so pathetic that they are hilarious. The movie starts off nicely to the tune of Vivaldi’s Autumn, and then wanders away into chaos at the point where our narrator fell asleep and we had to switch the voice of the narrator.

At about 8 in the morning, we ran out of footage and went around looking for innocent victims who would fall prey to the temptation of starring in a movie. We soon found two such scapegoats. Thanks to them, we finished editing our movie sooner.

In our defense – we had a good script.


Incorrigible Introvert

I wouldn't pretend I have a worthy tale to tell, I have only the ramifications of a twisted mind to sell.
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3 Responses to Luff, two F’s

  1. Anonymous says:

    unbelievable and untrue.I dont buy this.this cant happen.I am cedric commenting.

  2. Incorrigible Introvert says:

    I’ll show you the movie when I come.

  3. ochod says:

    dude, does anyone have the copy of this hidden somewhere?

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