AM – His Life
Years and years pass away, and a myth takes shape. Centuries of solitude and years flow by, and a legend is made. But only once in the lifetime of a human race, if at all, an AM is born.
Dumb arrogance and idiocy lay hid in night;
God said ‘Let AM be’ and all was flash light.”
Some people are born great; some people achieve greatness; and some people just define themselves to be great. As past historians tell us, AM did not stop at defining himself to be great. Inspired by his newfound greatness, he went as far as spending the rest of his life trying to prove his greatness.
AM and KVPY
Historians differ on the subject of his first attempts at the justification. The first recorded instance occurs in a little known (but very fashionable in its own time) online community called Orkut, where he created a community called KVPY – a noble cause, which was dedicated to promote the greatness of the KVPY scholarship, and hence the greatness of its recipients.
AM – The Modern Casanova
Further researches have shown his desperate attempts at chatting up girls in Orkut, including two of his juniors, giving us meaningful insights into his wonderful life. Many believe that his eventual humiliation in these attempts were the deciding factors in the rest of his life where he kept on trying to prove his greatness (he even managed to convince Winnie the Pooh, eventually, for sometime, as he mentions in his autobiography, though he omitted it from the final published version), but nothing is known for certain. Some have claimed that AM_the_nemo, the blogger famous for commenting in N’s blog, was none other than AM himself, citing AM_the_nemo‘s desperate attempts to chat up N as a proof. Nothing conclusive, however, has come out so far.
Michael Jackson and AM’s Childhood
AM displayed his prodigious talents from early childhood. He often associated the fond memories of his childhood with the pleasant times he spent with Michael Jackson (probably listening to his music, but many other possibilities exist). In the Jackson memorial speech he delivered in January, 2007, before a selected crowd in front of the Hostel Canteen, he was reported to have said, “I love Michael Jackson. He brings out the child in me!” It won all prestigious quotation of the year awards in 2007.
It is known that he won many quotation of the year awards many times over. Some of his revolutionary remarks include –
There is no difference between mathematics and biology.I don’t like mathematics because it is so imprecise.
It is only by fluke luck that the sun is the center of the solar system.
AM is also known for having done something in pure sciences. But since both mathematicians and physicists have disowned him, it is hard to tell in which one of them he put in his efforts. Most likely he worked in physics, a view supported by his blog.
AM and his blog
His blog was the second most important achievement in his life. In his characteristic style, AM tried to achieve importance and meaning by labelling his unsuspecting classmates as mathematicians and then criticizing them in order to magnify his opinions (He had correctly judged that it is better to abuse a bunch of mathematicians than a bunch of undergrads).
Not only that, he also treated the reactions of his classmates towards him as the standard way in which mathematicians behave, very conveniently avoiding the fact that they treated him disdainfully only because they didn’t like him personally. But he described the public irritation for him as the way mathematicians behave so that he can attach some meaning and importance to his own reaction to the reaction of his classmates. He achieved this end by using all sorts of provocative names to describe mathematicians (naive, arrogant, etc etc).
AM – the Father of Roly Poly drug
His most significant invention, for which he’ll remembered for a long long time, is no doubt the drug called Roly Poly. Nobody knows now what this famous drug is supposed to do, but at one point of time it was a favourite topic for lengthy scholarly discussions in various intellectual institutions.
It is a little known fact that the actual inventor of the Roly Poly drug was Sri(vat)sa and K(shit)ij. However, since almost all the work in the field had been done by AM, the invention was attributed to him.
AM – A Premature End
His illustrious career came to an untimely end when he was doped by an unknown substance and brutally gang-raped by a group called K*** – a noble cause. The identity of this group remains one of the most important unsolved mysteries till date.
His house was later made into a museum that houses among other things a collection of his favourite photographs. Nobody has been able to figure out what these photographs mean – a true mark of his genius.
AM might not be among us anymore, but as long as the earth keeps spinning round the Sun, his ideas and his Roly Poly will keep us inspired to achieve new heights of greatness.
The Author thanks N for not suing him for using her blog as a source. Thanks are also due to V for valuable feedback.
Disclaimer: Though the quotations from AM has been quoted exactly as he said it, his life, as depicted in this biography, may not represent the exact truth. I have tried to reconstruct his life as accurately as possible. But owing to his rather obscure life, a lot of gaps had to be filled in with fertile imagination and reasonable guesses.