Very few of us live today who remember those turbulent days of a past long gone by. As Charles Dickens put it, for India as a nation, It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. Too many things had happened the full impact of which could be realized only in hindsight, and the whole nation had plunged with its share of politicians, media barons and the academicians into a series of endless debates on what should be the emergent characteristics of India as a nation.
In those days, I was a mere mathematics undergrad in C**. Confused and without a direction in life, I no longer looked for depth and relevance in ideas and ideologies. What I was really looking for was a simplistic view of life, universe and pretty much everything else, and a conviction in it which could occlude me from the trivialities of the daily struggle to keep clinging to my principles.
Some writers in the habit of stereotyping every walk and every aspect of our lives have remarked that exactly one big thing happens in the college life, no more, no less. It is not the matter of one incident being the biggest among a lot of big incidents. Something happens, so huge and influential that it we tend to look back at everything else in terms of that one incident. There comes a day, when the naivety and the ignorance of our yester years are torn away with one swift blow of fate, and we are left naked before our mind’s eye before we can rebuild the layers and layers of self-defenses so that we can call ourselves mature.
I am talking about the fateful rendezvous that had followed the invention of the RolyPoly drug.
The way the RolyPoly drug was invented is a little known story, my sole claim to which happens to be the fact that the inventors of the drug were two young chaps from my own college. I can remember to this day the sad events which led to the whole controversy.
In our days, there used to be a very popular spam which warned the users about a date rape drug called Rohypnol. Three undergrads, still green about the ways of the internet world, were taken in by the spam.
Little needs to be told about their adventure when they used the drug on their respective dates on the same night (and the drug failed to work). K(shit)ij spent two weeks in the hospital, and Shree(vat)sa had to be sent to MIT for special surgeries. A(rule) had to be sent to the special care phd unit of the Mathematics department of Princeton, where he died five years afterwards.
Disillusioned, K(shit)ij and Shree(vat)sa vowed to avenge their friend. After years and years of hard work, they finally came up with a new drug called RolyPoly which did what Rohypnol was originally supposed to do (according to the spam).
Eventually, A(nir)bit was credited as the Father of the RolyPoly drug. This was done in order to preserve Stiglerâ€™s law of eponymy. Many interesting stories have been told about the role A(nir)bit played in the invention of the drug, but this is not one of them.
The invention of the RolyPoly drug brought a radical revolution to the world of men. Being a keen observer of socio-economic evolutionary processes shaping our society, I can’t help but see it in the context of the evolution of the human species.
Looking back, we find that the early caveman had the simplest of tasks, a bulging bludgeon and a cornered cave woman often did the job. Though the props and the stage of the scene changed, the basic idea remained the same for a very long time. And then, women came up with a brilliant retort. Feminism! Ever since, life has not been the jolly old affair it used to be for the modern man.
A lot has been said and done and thought about what a man should do to solve this problem. Some men write poetry to that end. Some give up heaven and kingdoms and some go on and fight wars. Hitler even started a world war to impress Eva Braun, when all she wanted him to do was to shave off that ridiculous mustache.
At one end of the spectrum, some believe in spending half of the monthly salary on unresponsive dates. Some others insist on extreme measures, going as far as declaring that the only cure for a feminist is a long dick, but we’ll let those indecencies pass. Some of us try very hard, and some of us try not at all.
But after RolyPoly arrived, very little was left to the time-tested method of trial and error (except for statisticians).
A revolution was at the steps!
(To be continued…)
Coming soon… The Rolypoly Revolution – The Final Chapter