When a woman falls pregnant, her and her partner (assuming most of the time) have dreams of raising their child. They are happy beyond words and share their excitement with those who would want to know.
Whether the woman knows her baby or not, a feeling of happiness, excitement, and wonder suddenly appears in their life.
They start planning their future with a baby, set up the nursery, buy cute little outfits and have a baby shower and so on.
Then one day during her pregnancy, something happens. Her baby somehow dies. Whether there is a reason or not, the life that has been growing inside the womb, no longer lives.
That little life started as an embryo and it may have matured into a fetus to become a baby. No matter how you look at it, that little life was growing to be a person.
Then their happiness and excitement, hopes and dreams are clouded. Their feelings change to hurt, sadness, anger and grief.
If that isn’t bad enough, the mother then has to face losing her baby physically. The pain reminds her that her body has just released what could have been a future of love and happiness.
The days that follow become an unwanted dream. Everyday from then, the mother and father’s life has changed. They now know a new heartache, a different take on life and a new appreciation. They know what it is to feel the loss of a baby, the baby that they created.
They may have been naive about miscarriage and stillbirth and never expected it would happen to them. They may not have known anyone who has gone through the same experience and whom they could talk to.
Every parent will deal with their grief differently. Time is no barrier, no matter how long the mother was pregnant for. Their hearts will always be hurting, though in time they will heal. The pain will slowly become a memory that will never go away.
It is hard for a mother that has lost a baby to speak freely about her loss. She may worry about what someone will say to her. A grieving mother certainly doesn’t want hear “get over it”, “maybe you should just give up” or “you will have another one”. Whatever her reason is, her feelings may not easily be expressed.
The little baby will not experience the world we live in and for a parent, accepting that their baby will not be in their lives can carry a lifetime of wonder.
The world needs to be aware of miscarriage and stillbirth. People need to understand that babies can die before they are born and that parents will need to grieve. Parents will need some kind of support, someone to talk to and someone that will listen.
We are lucky enough now to see many support organizations and people whose baby or babies have died, trying hard to create special remembrance days. They are creating support groups and social media outlets, writing blogs, books and articles and even making movies!
If you want to help break the silence, please share. Please take the time to talk about your little ones and please listen to our story.
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